I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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