I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
