I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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