i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
