one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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