Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
