I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
