just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
