Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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