he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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