WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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