oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
