He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Is it because I queefed?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
