Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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