Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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