Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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