the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
