All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
