The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
