I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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