Cold hands, warm shart.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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