I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
