the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
