Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
