we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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