So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
worst night to have a conscience
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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