Will you blow on my dice?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
