the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
