Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
