my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
