just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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