I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
