i just wanna soil my oats bro
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
