It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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