so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
