he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize