I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
