Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
