Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
