Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
