It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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