just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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