Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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