not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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