I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize