so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
this is an emotional support booty call
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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