oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
