just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
