dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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