so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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