I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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