tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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