So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
