M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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