this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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