she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
