based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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