Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
