Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I want a musical about memes.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
