There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
