u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
