Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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