The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
