Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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