Little spoons don't ask big questions
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
