the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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