just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
