my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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