we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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