you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
