what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
