My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
