He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize