first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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