My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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