I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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