I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
