Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
