how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
where are you?
Hypothermia
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
