Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
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