Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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