drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
