It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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