I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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