my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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