my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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