i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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