I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize