that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
