WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
