Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
