Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
