Sponge bath it is.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize