You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
