I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
