Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize