I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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