and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
