It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
