I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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