i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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