Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
