I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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