How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
