When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
