I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
