there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize