dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
