Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize