i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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