when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
